Lights, camera, action…

Remember that new love?
My package just came in the mail love?
Fresh out the shower love?
That I can’t wait to hold you, squeeze you, kiss you love?
Remember that love?

Remember that happy love?
Laugh at my every joke love?
You complete me love?
That call you, text you, FaceTime everyday love?
Remember … that love?

Remember that therapeutic love?
Only you can make me feel better love?
Fall asleep to the sound of your voice love?
That I want you, need you, can’t live without you love?
Remember that … love?

Fade to black…

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I remember the day she fell in love. That sunset was pure magic! It took my breath away. How could I ever forget it?

I stumbled upon across a fragile creature that day. I remember being taken aback by the air of melancholy surrounding her. She seemed so empty! I could tell that she was bothered because she glumly stared into the distance for long periods. I was both curious and confused. So much so, I could not take my eyes off of her. The more I fixated on her, the more I felt myself getting lost in her hopelessness.  I stood there trying to make sense of it all.

Then it happened! The sun started it’s descent towards the horizon and a majestic coat of orange-red took over the sky. A few rays of sunlight pierced through the trees behind her and came to rest upon her beautiful face. The sun kissed her ever so gently. Soft light surrounded her, almost as if to comfort her. Her disposition changed right before my eyes.

She looked rejuvenated and full of life. So much so, she was radiating. That kiss from the sun triggered something internally. She reached out and caressed her face like the sunlight did moments earlier. She felt so loved in that moment. That’s when she realized that true love starts from within.

Self-love is the GREATEST love there is. For as long as she could remember, she searched for love. She searched for someone who would love her enough to replace the emptiness she felt inside. But how could she expect someone to love her if she did not know how to love herself? How can you love outward if you can’t love from within? On this day, under the magic painted in the sky, this delicate creature found love.

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He was never loud… Almost to a fault, now that I think about it. He was so soft spoken, mostly kept to himself. It was rare to heart him utter a word outside of the classroom. He lacked personality. He lacked presence. He was polite though. He didn’t curse and didn’t speak out of turn. He was how you imagined a well-behaved, well-mannered, well-raised young boy should be.

He was timid. He had friends occasionally – when homework was due or during test time or when it was time for a group project. At times he seemed mute. But maybe his social awkwardness was part of his genius. Maybe, it was the price he had to pay for being ahead of the curve. They used to say that his mind spoke louder than his mouth ever did. But no one really knew the depth of that truth.

There was nothing quiet about the voice inside his head – It was loud and obnoxious. It was insatiable. Nothing he did felt good enough. It was always there to convince him that he would never amount to anything in life. And for all those who relied on him for his ability, they were never around when he needed someone to confide in – to get out of his own head. No one noticed that something was not quite right. He had no one to tell that he was paralyzed by the voice within him.

So today, more than 20 years later, I cry for the boy who never understood why he was different. I cry for the little boy who became so afraid of making mistakes that he stopped trying. The little boy who believed that being a creative was never going to be enough. I cry for the little boy who was always surrounded by friends and family but always felt alone. I cry because he now understands that he can no longer let disappointment control his life. I cry because he no longer chooses to carry around bags of unfulfilled potential…

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Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won if he’d stuck it out.
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are –
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

– by Author Unknown

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