He was never loud… Almost to a fault, now that I think about it. He was so soft spoken, mostly kept to himself. It was rare to heart him utter a word outside of the classroom. He lacked personality. He lacked presence. He was polite though. He didn’t curse and didn’t speak out of turn. He was how you imagined a well-behaved, well-mannered, well-raised young boy should be.

He was timid. He had friends occasionally – when homework was due or during test time or when it was time for a group project. At times he seemed mute. But maybe his social awkwardness was part of his genius. Maybe, it was the price he had to pay for being ahead of the curve. They used to say that his mind spoke louder than his mouth ever did. But no one really knew the depth of that truth.

There was nothing quiet about the voice inside his head – It was loud and obnoxious. It was insatiable. Nothing he did felt good enough. It was always there to convince him that he would never amount to anything in life. And for all those who relied on him for his ability, they were never around when he needed someone to confide in – to get out of his own head. No one noticed that something was not quite right. He had no one to tell that he was paralyzed by the voice within him.

So today, more than 20 years later, I cry for the boy who never understood why he was different. I cry for the little boy who became so afraid of making mistakes that he stopped trying. The little boy who believed that being a creative was never going to be enough. I cry for the little boy who was always surrounded by friends and family but always felt alone. I cry because he now understands that he can no longer let disappointment control his life. I cry because he no longer chooses to carry around bags of unfulfilled potential…

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Why does Durant scare me? Because when Durant score, he don’t say nothing. He ain’t getting nobody excited. He ain’t tryna get LeBron pissed off or  pumped up, he just score on my man and shhhhhhh. Only thing he does is at the end of the game he kiss his mama, he hug his brothers, alright I’m out. Game over! Shhhh. But the one thing he does- I don’t know if you watched it. The first thing he does when he gets on the court is he does what? Yall better start watching these games bruh cause you gon’ need to do what these champions do if you gon’ be a champion. The first thing he does is what with them numbers? Touch the numbers on the front, touch them numbers on the back – and he’s doing that for who? Which coach? His coach that was killed. His coach died at what age? And he wears what number? He got a WHY! He got a why. He ain’t just playing for no championship. You gotta hear what Im telling you, If yall gon’ be great on that field you gotta have a why, you gotta have a reason for why you do what you do. When he comes out he ain’t trippin’ on Lebon, he don’t care nothing about no Dwayne Wade. All he keep thinking about is – Ima get one for my coach. That’s why he ain’t all smiling – because why? He not smiling because what he’s trying to accomplish he has not what? He ain’t got it yet. He ain’t geeked about winning no game. He not geeked about beating San Antonio. He not tripping because they up one game. You aint gon’ see that boy smile until he get the championship and when he get it he gon’ hold it up. The problem with some of yall, the reason why you don’t give 120% every daogone time you get on the field cause you ain’t got a why for what you do. You ain’t got a why. I walk in the room and see some of yall, I spoke to all of yall when yall came in for the most part. Why? Cause Im looking in your eyes and I can see some of yall ain’t serious. And you think you bout to go out there with the Ray Lewis’ of the world. Negro please! When Ray come out, you see the passion. Every game you see the energy. He come out every game like yall follow me – follow my lead baby and we gon’ win this thing. What’s your why? If I don’t give yall nothing else you better start that whats your why? You why I do what I do and I do it so passionately because my grandfather was a high school dropout, my father was a high school dropout, I was a high school dropout and we bout to break the cycle, I do what I do so my son won’t have to go through what I went through. When I was at the football game, my old dude wasn’t with me. I saw other kids with they father, that will bever happen to me. I do what I do because my daughter says shes going to Harvard . It ain’t even about yall. I’m bout to come here and blaze yall. Why? Cause I’m trying to get to all the NFL. I ain’t bout to miss this opportunity. This is the first NFL team I’ve ever done in my life and I’m about to lick it. I’m about to give everything I’ve got and I will know if I don’t get another gig it won’t have nun to do with the fact that I didn’t put everything on the field. What’s your why? Why do you wake up in the morning? Why do you put on that jersey? Why do you go out and practice? Hwy?

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What does it look like? Because if you don’t know what it look like don’t expect me… People call me all the time ET I know what you been through bruh, I know you feeling me bruh. I know you from the D like I’m from the D. You dropped out like I dropped out – I know you feeling me E. E I need $5000 to get this thing off the – I said what? You need how much? Who gave me five grand when I was at Michigan State doing my program, I didn’t get a, I didn’t have no budget. But I didn’t need a budget, I HAD A DREAM! I didn’t need no help, the president never came and said to me ET we gon help your program for this institution to blow up. The president never came and I never quit. I never gave up, why? Cuz it wasn’t her dream in the first place to take care of a group of kids from the D. It was MY DREAM. It was MY GOAL. I don’t expect you to believe in my dream like I believe in my dream. And the problem with some of yall is you want someone else to support your dream. It’s yours! I don’t owe you a dime. It’s your dream, if you want it to happen get your butt up and make it happen. If you want it to happen, rise and grind. If you want it to happen, you gon have to do what I do and that’s get up at 3 o’clock in the morning. If you want it to happen that means you gon have to get home at 2:15 and get your butt up at 5 so you can get to Detroit by 6. That mean you gon have to speak to the chief and act like you got all the energy in the world. Why? Cuz it’s my time, this my moment. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow… Ain’t no such thing as tomorrow, we only got today!.

A few months ago, I had a conversation with a close friend of mine about my decision to forgo grad school (or put it on hold) to pursue my passion for photography. Having spent over $6000 on some new gear, I was eager to take my work to the next level. Although I was confident in my decision, I was still searching for reassurance from my friends and family. That is until one of my friends took the wind out of my sails. All I heard was doubt and most surprisingly a lack of interest in my chosen path.  In was in that moment that I realized that not everyone will be as excited about your dreams as you are. Friends and family may genuinely have your best interests at heart but it’s up to you to believe in, support and most importantly defend your dream. Seeking validation about your dream is a sure way to set yourself up for disappointment. After all, it’s your dream and yours alone.

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Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won if he’d stuck it out.
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are –
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

– by Author Unknown

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